Friday, December 11, 2009

The Rewind Technique for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse

In working with victims of Narcissistic abuse I realized that most people who are just coming to the realization that they have been with a narcissist come out of the relationship with symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I remember in my own case I was diagnosed with PTSD and tried everything to alleviate the painful symptoms. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Leaving the house was a major ordeal, I avoided situations I thought would trigger my anxiety, I had panic attacks and overall disbelief about what had taken place. I remember trying desperately to get some kind of relief for these symptoms. I tried traditional counseling, EMDR and medication. But still the symptoms persisted.
After working with so many clients who are experiencing the same horrible symptoms of PTSD I started searching for a better way to help people to deal. Since I was already a seasoned clinical hypnotherapist my preference was a hypnosis technique so that I didn’t need to learn a different modality as well. I had studied tapping (EFT) and learned a bit about EMDR and finally I discovered the “Rewind Technique.”

The “Rewind Technique” is a hypnosis technique that is proven to greatly reduce the anxiety levels and symptoms of PTSD even to the point of completely eliminating these symptoms in only one session. This was what I was looking for.

In studying this technique further I discovered that the reason people get PTSD has to do with how their brain processes the trauma. About seventy five percent of people who experience traumatic events never develop PTSD. About twenty five percent develop these symptoms which include sleeplessness, loss of appetite, poor digestion, intrusive memories, flashbacks, heightened states of anxiety when reminded of the trauma, panic attacks and other physical symptoms like pounding heart, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating.

When trauma occurs in a persons life it is processed in the part of the brain called the hypocampus and then moves to the neocortex where it is stored as a normal memory. Normal memories are more distant and removed. But when one experiences PTSD the trauma continues to be reactivated in the hypocampus which causes the victim to experience the trauma again and again as if it just happened. Just passing time doesn’t tend to have much effect on PTSD. Something needs to happen to change the way the brain processes that trauma.

Although “talk” therapy is highly beneficial for clients needing to process and understand their trauma it doesn’t do a lot to alleviate the PTSD symptoms and this is where I began to feel helpless in my work. So I was excited to find a technique I could learn in a relatively short period of time and begin using right away over the phone.

The rewind technique is one of the most effective methods for alleviating symptoms of PTSD. The rate of success is higher than other commonly known treatments such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or “tapping” and EMDR (Rapid eye movement therapy.) This technique changes the way the brain processes the trauma moving it from the hypocampus to the neocortex where it is processed as a normal memory.

I’ve had many clients tell me that they have been through break-ups before but never have they experienced these kinds of symptoms. Often the symptoms are mistaken for “love” leaving the client believing that the narcissistic partner can somehow make it all better, if only they would come around. But even if one returns to the abusive relationship the symptoms remain, even if slightly below the surface of their awareness. A war victim who is traumatized on the battlefield will likely not experience their symptoms quite so intensely when they are thrown back on the battlefield. It is when they are back in society having to cope with day to day living that the symptoms become unmanageable.

When one comes out of a narcissistic relationship the symptoms of PTSD develop as a result of the horror of the abandonment, betrayal, devaluing and discarding that takes place not to mention being constantly subjected to crazy making behaviors within the relationship. Often the process of the illusion of the relationship crumbling, is enough to create trauma. Victims wake up to realize there never was a “normal” relationship going on. Everything the victim was lead to believe was true ends up being false. The mind has a difficult time processing through this new realization. There is often denial and refusal to accept the truth. Fighting with the encroaching “truth” is traumatic in and of itself. Who wants to believe that the “beloved” never really cared about them?

With the rewind technique I lead you into a relaxed, hypnotic state and guide you through a process that desensitizes you to the traumatic events of that relationship. The result is experiencing the memory differently. You may find your anxiety level around the narcissistic relationship dropping from a high state of anxiety to a very low state or no anxiety at all. On a scale of 'one' to 'ten' with 'ten' begin the absolute most intense state of anxiety and 'one' being no anxiety at all, people who undergo the “rewind technique” usually find their anxiety levels going from a 'seven' or 'eight' down to a 'two' or 'three' at the most. The alleviation of the PTSD symptoms allows you to resume your life without the usual anxiety, panic attacks and constant reminders of the narcissist.

I'm excited to tell you that I recently graduated from the program I attended to learn the “rewind technique” and with flying colors. I received 100% proficiency on my exams and have been certified as a “Rewind Technique” practitioner. 

If you are experiencing symptoms of PTSD there is help. It is not something you have to live with for months and years to come as many do.

The process takes about ninety minutes overall which involves an intake session at the beginning. I am offering this technique to all PTSD victims for a limited time only for $75.00 for the first session. That isn’t a lot of money to get your life back, don’t you agree? Because this is a ninety minute session I would normally charge a minimum of $90.00 for this work but want to help as many people as I can so I am giving you a break.
If you are interested in changing how you feel right away please contact me and let’s get you scheduled as soon as possible.

I look forward to us working together!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Quest for Perfection

In my journey through life I have quested for perfection. Trying to get everything right and be what was expected of me. By family, by society, by men’s views of women. It ended up in my eventually breaking down and falling deep into the void. My rebirth has been a process of surrender. I surrender the need to be anything for anyone except myself. My life is my gift and what I do with my life is the gift I give others.

Since I wrote my E-books and started focusing on narcissistic abuse a new career path unfolded. I didn’t expect it to happen that way. It just did. I followed my bliss, the inner calling. I found myself here extending my heart and soul to the pain of those who are just now breaking through. But even here I failed in so many ways. I could not be something for everyone. I could only offer who I was. I have received a lot of beautiful letters from so many of you and also some real hate mail that felt pretty heavy to me. I’ve had people angry at the way I run my business and people trying to manipulate me with the concept that I should be better than that. I should walk the higher path here. And suddenly I feel like I have some kind of hat I am supposed to be wearing for the people who look up to me.

But guess what? I don’t want to wear a hat! I don’t even really want a title. I just wanted to help! And since I was devoting so much of my energy providing a place for people to heal, I wanted to be compensated for my efforts. I kept the counseling fees low and the book sales supported the continuation of the Website. Still had people write me and tell me I should be ashamed of charging money to victims of abuse. I am taking advantage of hurting people. Ouch!

I realized as one steps out into the world on his or her divine path that he has to meet a great deal of obstacles and slay a lot of dragons. Perhaps narcissism was my initiation. It was the beginning of what it was that launched me into the world. But I feel I am finished with that chapter of my life.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Spiritual Narcissism On The Radio

The Age of Spiritual Narcissism! What We Can Learn From The Sedona, Arizona Sweat Lodge Tragedy.

Kaleah LaRoche, One of the leading authorities of narcissistic abuse, talks about spiritual narcissism and how it comes into play in events like the Sedona, Arizona Sweat Lodge tragedy led by Spiritual Guru James Ray. What causes people to follow a leader into dangerous situations? What causes a leader or teacher to put his students lives at risk? What is it about the current human condition that is causing so many people to abandon their own intuitive natures putting their faith and trust in a spiritual guru, or organized religion?

Join Kaleah and the creator of Sedona Talk Radio Daniel Stief and other special guests as they talk about these important topics that are shaking the foundation of todays spiritual movement.

Karmic Repercussions of the Narcissist

One of the most popular questions from my clients is...."do you believe karma will play out in this situation?" I always say "yes but you may not be around to see it." And that is in a good way. It is sort of like waiting for a pot of water to boil. You know how they say "a watched pot never boils?" Well a watched Narcissist doesn't have karmic repercussions. That is a huge generalization of course. But we don't often have the opportunity to see the whole story play out on the other end. We are too wrapped up in our own stories anyway and it is so easy to project all that we feel we are not getting in our lives onto the Narcissist.

I wrote about this in my song "Dancing with the Shadow." Songs have always been a powerful outlet for me to express these thoughts and feelings.

I see my reflection
I see your projection
You own the good
Give me the Bad
You are happy
I am sad

It seems that often in a narcissistic relationship that the Narcissist is getting "our good!" But truly universal law doesn't work that way. Someone can't really take "our good."

But it can appear that way. Ironically we can take on the "bad" of the Narcissist by unconsciously carrying his repressed emotional baggage. I think this is what gives the whole situation the illusion of him walking off into the sunset in bliss while we are left dealing with all the dark energy of the relationship.

Women are also receptacles who take in the energy of the men we are intimate with into our bodies, our souls and our psyches. Women are like the processors. We transmute energy, by our very nature. But if the energy we are being give to transmute is too toxic or heavy we get really clogged up and weighed down. So what do we do with this energy? Send it back to whence it came! It is energy and you are the conductor of it.

Perhaps this is what witchcraft is about, besides practicing herbology. But it is learning to master the energy. Once we master the energy we can use our knowledge for good or bad in the world. But Karmic law says "what we put out returns to us tenfold." So those who project dark and negative energy will have that come back to them in a big way. If this law holds true then nobody can really get away with dumping their toxic baggage on another without suffering huge consequences. But the consequences may not look like we think they should.

For example...if your ex N seems to be happily hooked up with someone else, perhaps there is something else going on entirely than what meets the eye. It is easy to assume because he has someone in his life and you are alone that he has "moved on" and is happy. But if he is a parasite then it is simply his nature to feed on the soul energy of another. Do you think parasites love that which they feed upon? It is a symbiotic relationship. The N. feeds upon his partner and she gives him her energy in exchange for the illusion of love and security. But when she is all used up he discards her and her illusion crumbles. Suddenly she realizes there is no real love and certainly no security. But by now he is off creating that same symbiotic relationship with another because it is his nature to feed upon the energy of another. Yet we romanticize the whole thing and believe that because our illusion wasn’t real that it is real with someone else. But the N. is an illusionary creature. Nothing is real!

We project this ideal upon the Narcissist believing he is happy and blissful but how happy can one be who is dependent upon an outside source for his energy?

You and I are solar creatures. We get our energy from the source of life itself. We can recharge our batteries by self care, nurturing, good food, fresh water and sunlight as well as direct communion with God, the source, the divine. This is the true recipe for happiness, peace and contentment in ones life.

The Narcissist on the other hand, is a parasite and gets his energy from others. He has no direct connection to the source. Which also means his capacity for true happiness is severely limited. What we witness is his living off the happiness of others and the length of that symbiotic relationship greatly depends on the partners ability to recharge her own battery fast enough before he depletes her. At some point she will not be able to recharge at the rate that he is draining her energy and she will go under. Because he greatly depends on her energy if it is not available to him he will get angry and dispose of her. The relationship is over when the source can no longer feed the parasite.

So why do we often envy the new source? I think the main reason is that the new source still has energy. She still has the added energy of the illusion which can be really powerful. In our Cinderella stories we wait our entire lives for our prince and the narcissist gives us the illusion that the prince has arrived. We don’t want to face the reality that there is no prince. The prince is simply an archetype. He doesn’t exist! He doesn’t exist for us or any other Cinderella out there.

The true marriage of the prince and princess is the divine union of the masculine and feminine energies within each one of us. It is what makes us whole and complete within ourselves without the need for another in our lives. When we successfully experience this “divine marriage” we are truly ready for a relationship with another because we are no longer depending upon that person to fulfill us or to complete us!

I believe our true happiness comes from this inner fulfillment; experiencing the divine marriage of our inner prince and princess. The narcissist can never have that experience because he will forever be seeking a host for his desperate needs, never truly having the experience of completion or fulfillment. And isn’t that what true happiness is?

We really are fortunate that the we are no longer playing the role of the host for the parasite. We are fortunate that the illusion has crumbled and we have the opportunity to see the reality of the situation. Yes, it may be painful, but it is truly the precursor to finding ourselves in a way we might not have been able to when we were still searching for our prince out there!