The Path Back To Self

Food...The Real Gold

2010-08-09T10:19:00.000-07:00

As I was working in our Garden yesterday, a beautiful August day, I looked at our struggling strawberry patch and how it looked like we might actually get it to produce after all. I reflected upon how excited John and I get over one sweet juicy strawberry that has been produced from our own hands in our own Garden. I also reflected on the abundance of our harvest as we gathered onions, tomatoes, two varieties of peppers, a zucchini (first one of the year) and broccoli to create our Sunday brunch with. As I looked at the basket containing our home grown vegetables I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment. It was our first year organic gardening and we were pleased. But there was more than personal pride going on here. As I listened to the voice within I could hear something very profound. “Food, it’s the real gold!”

We have become so disconnected to our food source and yet it is what truly keeps us alive. We need three things to survive in this world…good food, clean air and clean water. We can do without just about every other thing, except perhaps the roof over our heads and a way to stay warm and dry.

In watching the evolution of our species, from a very distant perspective of course, I could see man going from being hunters and gatherers to being stationary farmers to being consumers of material goods manufactured by large corporate entities. Each time we progress, or rather digress, we become more and more disconnected from the earth and more dependent upon others for the basic needs of our survival. The thing that really bothers me about this is that we are so hypnotized and conditioned to live this consumer lifestyle that most people never really stop to question how dangerous it is to put our survival in the hands of Corporate America.

Moving away from farming and agriculture is surely a digression. Monsanto, one of the largest providers of our food, has a mission to control the worlds food supply and they are getting closer to fulfilling this mission every day. The worst part is that Monsanto is producing food without nutritional value. They are producing hybrids and food created from seeds that won’t repopulate. This means that those using their patented seeds cannot harvest the seeds at the end of their growing season to reuse the next year. They have to purchase more seed from Monsanto, leaving them dependent upon this large Monopolizing Corporate entity for their next growing season. Monsanto has patented its hybrid seed technology and if any other farmer is caught with their seed on his land Monsanto can sue him and put him out of business. And this is happening right now in the United States and Canada. It is not that the small organic farmer steals Monsanto’s seed. It either gets on his land through the wind or by Monsanto actually depositing seed so they can sue and shut down the small farmer. And this is exactly what is happening. This large corporate anti-Christ is snuffing out the little guy leaving us more and more dependent on their lifeless seeds for our food source.

If we don’t stay educated as to what is going on we can easily overlook the dangers that are happening right in our own back yard. I have heard rumors that Monsanto has a plan to put every organic farmer out of business. Rumor has it they also have a mission to “outlaw” organic farming using the argument that those who eat organic are exposing themselves to salmonella and other food borne illnesses. But the truth is that organic food is the only food that is going to keep us alive as Monsanto continues to genetically engineer seeds to produce impressive looking fruits and vegetables with little or no nutritional value. Meanwhile Americans are getting sicker and sicker both physically, mentally and emotionally and nutrition has a whole lot to do with it. If we are not getting fed our bodies deteriorate and so do our minds and emotional bodies because when one is out of balance the rest falls out of balance.

The sicker we get the more we turn to modern medicine and Major Pharmaceutical companies to deal with the symptoms of our illnesses. Medications don’t address the problems stemming from lack of nutrition! If we are going to survive in the very near future we are going to need to return to the land and grown our own organic food. Hopefully Monsanto won’t find a way to snuff out our ability to do this, because if they do, it’s all over!

It is my belief that the more of us who begin growing our own gardens and learning the art of food preservation once again, the more difficult it will be for major companies like Monsanto to take away our right and ability to grow our own food. Remember we are dealing with the anti-Christ here and the anti-Christ is really anti-life. It is about control, domination, greed, profits, monopolizing so that the choice is taken away from the people, and ultimately death and destruction. If we don’t start waking up, and soon, we will lose our window of opportunity to turn things around.

Why would companies like Monsanto try and control our food supply? Because truly food is the real gold! What can we really do with a bar of gold? We can’t eat it! We can’t breathe it. It doesn’t keep us warm at night. It is simply a medium of exchange. What we need to stay alive is good quality food and water. What if we lose access to such a basic thing?

If you really take a hard look when shopping in the grocery stores there is already little “real” food available. It is mostly boxed, canned and processed varieties of nutrition-less filler. Even the fruits and vegetables are tainted with chemicals, irradiated, hybridized, and grown in depleted soils. There is often a little tiny organic section with a few smaller fruits and vegetables at a much higher price. The price is higher because of supply versus demand. If we began demanding organic and refusing to purchase conventional then organic prices would come down and we would all be a lot healthier.

When I visited an area of Eastern Washington popular for its apple production I noticed more and more of the orchard land being sold to big developers to build high end view homes. A few wealthy people will live in nice homes for the remainder of their short life at the cost of our food supply. Is it worth it? When I talked to my Dad, a retired farmer, about my disgust at the farmers for cashing in at the expense of our food supply, my Dad presented the side of the farmer. “When you work from sun up to sun down for little money and someone comes along and offers you millions of dollars for your land, it can be incredibly tempting.” Government subsidizes corn and soybean crops but most produce farmers are on their own, trying to remain profitable.

Unfortunately the average American has no clue what is happening to our food supply. We go about our business, go out to restaurants, go to the grocery stores and assume that the food we are buying is actually feeding us. We are also assuming that it will always be there. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if something happened that caused our stores to close tomorrow, most of us would be without food.

A hundred years ago we would have simply gone down to the root cellar and picked out a can of food preserved from our own harvest. We would have wheat in which to make our own bread and chickens to gather eggs from. We could pick mint for tea and milk the cow for milk, butter and cheese. But now?

I realized as John and I spent our Sunday afternoon in the garden that we were truly heading the right direction in our lives. What could be a more valuable use of time then to tend to the Garden? What better source of education then to learn how to grow organic food? What better way to heal the body, mind and spirit then to reconnect to the land and allow Mother Nature to provide for us?

We are blessed to be on acreage so that we have lots of land for orchards and gardens, however even if you have a yard or a patio you can begin growing food. Why not create food gardens and edible landscaping with the space you have rather than invest all your time and energy in yards, flowers and non-edible landscaping? Instead of planting a deciduous tree, plant a fruit tree. Instead of having shrubs, have berries. Instead of flowers, tomatoes or sunflowers. There are many things you can begin doing now to grown at least some of your own food. It is not only healthful, but it gets you back to the earth, digging in the dirt, which I believe is one of the greatest forms of healing.

As the summer dwindles we plan on using our solarium to continue growing micro-greens, herbs and sprouts so we will have a fresh source of food all winter long. We are also educating ourselves on the best ways to preserve our garden harvest for the winter, with maximum nutritional yield.

Food really is our gold, and the sooner we all realize this and invest at least some of our time nurturing our own food source, the stronger we can be. That one sweet juicy strawberry will pack more nutrition for the body and the soul then a case of strawberries purchased at the market. Why? Because it was grown from your own hands with your own love and care. What could be better than that?

The Analogy of a Tick

2010-08-03T18:51:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: For ease of writing any reference to a parasite in this article is in the masculine and the host is in the feminine. This in no way implies that all parasites are masculine and all hosts feminine. Switch it around!

We have removed a lot of ticks off our two dogs this season and I can’t help but want to use the tick as an analogy of a parasitic energy such as a narcissist.

A tick hops on the dog when it needs to feed. It is but a small insect but as it embeds into the flesh of the dog it begins to feed on its blood and grows larger and larger. When it gets its fill of blood it jumps back off and lives for a time on the food it has consumed. But after a time the food is gone and the tick seeks out the closest supply of blood he can find to puff his little body back up again. Sound familiar?

Since we usually find the tick before it can feast and exit we have to go through the grueling process of extracting the tick from the dog. First we douse it in alcohol and then we grab it with a pair of tweezers and gently pull until the tick finally tires of holding on and lets go. At that point we drown it in alcohol.

If we are not careful in the extraction of the tick and pull too hard we may separate its head from its body and the head will still be embedded in our dog, which is not good. And so the process of extraction is incredibly important.

Narcissistic people are parasitic. But they are wise enough to attach to the next source of food while they are still puffed up from the last source. This way they appear big and strong and worthy of attention and the prey doesn’t notice that his intentions are to suck the lifeblood out of her. In fact she doesn’t even know that she is prey.

In some cases when the parasite doesn’t find a new source of feed in time he may appear downright desperate and distraught. He then must seek out a soft hearted caretaker who is willing to nurse his wounds while he attaches himself to her.

After a time of having the parasite feeding off her life force energy the host, or prey, begins to feel depleted. She loses energy. She begins to feel like something isn’t right. She makes the fatal mistake of turning to the parasite for comfort and reassurance. Now he must do some fancy footwork to cover up his intentions (sucking the life out of her) and in order to keep her going on about her business oblivious to what is really going on he uses this opportunity to enforce in her doubt, insecurity, and a sense of worthlessness. This causes her to feel so badly about herself that she doesn’t realize she has a blood sucking parasite on her back.
When she does FINALLY realize what is going on she has to go through the long grueling process of extraction. Or in some cases he exhausts his source and hops off in search of a new one leaving her wondering what just happened. He seemed so attached to her. He was! Literally!

But that attachment was for the purpose of sucking the life out of her. She believed it was love. Now, having had her energy sucked dry she is not only depleted, but duped! She has been betrayed by the energy sucking parasite that came with promises of love, bliss and happiness.
For those who have discovered the nature of the beast early, then the long grueling process of extraction must take place.

How To Extract a Narcissistic Parasite

2010-08-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

For a narcissistic parasite the most powerful method of extraction is starvation. You must completely withdraw your energy from the parasite until it is forced to go elsewhere for food. You do this by ignoring him completely. Don’t react, don’t respond, don’t engage!!! ZERO attention!

It is extremely important that you put your emotions aside during this process. You must NOT under any circumstances entertain the illusion of love that was created to suck you in. Think about it. It worked the first time, why wouldn’t he keep trying to convince you? He doesn’t want to lose a food source.

But if you starve the beast he will eventually go elsewhere. Ignore his hissy fits, his attempts at manipulation, and his attempt to get attention from you, whether positive or negative. If he gets violent or abusive call the cops! If he lives with you and it is your house, put his stuff out and change the locks. If he lives with you and it’s his house, move! If he lives with you and it’s both of your house, get an attorney.

The biggest problem most people have when extracting a parasite is that he or she is softhearted and doesn’t want to hurt the little bugger. Come ON! Get over it! He’s sucking the life out of you! You’ve got to grow a set of balls! Yes women, you too!

Sometimes our emotions get in the way of doing what’s right. And extracting a parasite is the right thing to do!

“But He’s a human being!”

Really?

Why do we want to get all soft with parasitic energies?
You know those movies where a woman finds out her guy is with three other women and so she contacts all the women and they are all waiting for him when he shows up for a date with one of them? Why don’t we do that? Because we don’t want to hurt his feelings? We don’t want to embarrass him? Or worse yet we don’t want to face the truth…that he is a life force sucking parasite.

The denial that you have a tick on your back is the worst kind of denial. A parasite sucks! Really!

Do you think he is going to give you a second thought when he is all hooked up to another host? And you are concerned about hurting his feelings? I have news for you. His feelings are so deeply buried that there is nothing to hurt. What you are hurting is his ego and his food supply. He has obviously shown you by now that he has no concern for your feelings. Why should you have concern for his? Really!

Why do we need to be so nice? Why do we need to care so much? Care for those who deserve caring! Be nice to those who deserve kindness. This is the time to get in touch with your inner bitch kitty! Let her out! Let him call you every vile, nasty, hateful thing in the book! Its O.K. Really! He’s just reacting because he’s not getting his way!

"Oh but I want him to see that I’m really a good person!”

Get over it! If your hook is having him see you as a good, kind, loving, attractive, sexy or smart person then you are going to lose! Really!

Let yourself be the Black Madonna! Let the roomers fly that you are the biggest fattest bitch on earth! Wow what a title! Be proud of it! Be worthy of it! Show him he is right!

Don’t try and prove yourself to him! He’s a parasite! What is there to prove to a parasite? Really!

When you have a parasite sucking your life-force it isn’t the time to be soft and gentle! It is time to be the beast! Rip that sucker out be the short and curlys.

Oh I was talking about gentle extraction wasn’t I? I got carried away.

Gentle extraction of a narcissistic parasite would involve starving him until he falls off.

And while you are starving him, feed yourself! Get your energy back. He hasn’t broken you. Not yet! But he will! If you don’t starve him! Give him even the slightest hint of food and he will jump back on and suck away.

Keep a journal and document what happens when you starve a parasite.

“Should I warn the new host that he is a parasite?”

Are you kidding me? And risk having him come back to you? Let him feast! She’ll figure it out soon enough.

The Age of Narcissism and the Emergence of the Feminine

2010-07-27T16:14:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a while since I’ve touched based with you. My life has been a whirlwind of change and the accompanying emotional chaos. One thing I have realized about being a highly creative person is that I am always blooming with ideas and have my hands in far too many pots. I released my third CD Emergence last winter, am working on a new book, which is slow in the development, and also attempting to purchase the home on twenty acres that we are renting so that we can create a healing retreat center for people to come and have one-on-one healing sessions in a quiet, sacred environment.

In addition we have had people at our home for two months straight. Family visiting for my son’s highschool graduation, WWOOFERs here to help us plant our vegetable garden and clean up the property, friends on vacation and more family on vacation. I always loved the idea of having a place where people could come and heal, but at the same time I realize how much I need my peace in order to create and accomplish anything. So at the moment I am seeking balance and finding a way to create the retreat for part-time guests and also have plenty of time each month for myself and my work.

My work has been another area of confusion in my life. I love the work I am doing with narcissism and empowering women but there are times I need a break from having my life be about narcissism. Like many of you, the more I understand narcissism the more I see it around me. I am now convinced it is a worldwide epidemic.

As a spiritual seeker I have had to really go within and reflect on the issue of narcissism in our world. I have seen it in my love life, in my friendships, in my family, extended family, workplace, and also corporate America, the church and our government. I have seen people who seem to be bi-polar but have strong narcissistic characteristics. I have seen those characteristics in my own teenage son and many of my clients express concern over those same characteristics in their teenagers. I call it teenage narcissism.

Last winter I was interviewed by a woman on a radio show in Vancouver B.C. on the topic of narcissism. But when she started asking all the common questions about narcissism I found that I just couldn’t answer them the same way anymore. I knew that narcissism extended well beyond the personality disorder we all know about. It is more than a personality disorder. It is a spiritual disorder. This is why so many of you are not finding relief by visiting a psychologist. Although there is a strong psychological element, there is something far deeper going on. I’ve known this for a long time but as I go deeper into my work with narcissism I go deeper into my understanding that we are dealing with nothing short of a spiritual crisis in our world. Narcissism is the epitome of our lack of humanity.

I look at the Gulf Oil Spill and BP’s attitude of “Oh the Gulf of Mexico is a big Ocean why are you getting your panties in a wad?” There is that strong attempt to suppress our deep concern for the destruction of our planet. But we also need to stop and look at our own contribution to the sickness by looking at our dependency on what these large corporate entities provide us, like fossil fuels. Are we really ready to go out into the world tomorrow without gasoline for our vehicles? Are we willing to change our life so much that we no longer need the things government and Big Corporation provide?

It seems we are just as dependent upon the narcissistic entity to keep us comfortably numb in our material world as the narcissistic entity is upon us to support it. It is a symbiotic relationship where the narcissist not only needs what we have, but we need what he has. On a personal level I see that our major hook is our need to be admired, approved of, showered with attention, and made to believe we are special. We get that initially! We also get the promise of spiritual salvation from the church, the promise of security, hope and change from the government, the promise of health from the medical/pharmaceutical industries and the promise of progress and simplified life from big Corporation. But truly they are all empty promises. The more we put our faith in these outside entities the more we are misled.

Our personal experience with narcissism, the one that brought you to my Website is only a microcosm of the macrocosm. We are having the opportunity to experience what narcissism really looks like up close and personal. It is destructive! It cares nothing for humanity! It has no basis in love, caring, compassion or empathy. It is the expression of the worn out, dying patriarchal energy that has created an extreme lack of balance on our planet.

But the good news is that things are really shifting. I see this too. I see all these women coming to me that are going through their own process of spiritual awakening. They are stepping into their power and refusing to be unconscious. And there are many men who are writing to me as well and sharing their experiences of letting go of narcissistic mates. Because whether one is a man or a woman that patriarchal narcissistic energy can take root and control one’s life. I notice more narcissism in men than women because men are more conditioned to be narcissistic. The masculine nature is more rooted in the intellect, physical strength, extroverted, dominant and outwardly materialistic. The feminine nature is more intuitive, introverted, compassionate, empathetic, nurturing and inwardly spiritualistic. Yet both men and women possess masculine and feminine characteristics. And as our world evolves we are moving towards the balance of the masculine and feminine energies not only within each one of us, but also on our planet.

Because we are moving towards this masculine/feminine balance the age of patriarchal control and domination is coming to an end. But whenever something is in its last days it seems to get stronger, bigger, darker and more visible. And this is why we are seeing a surge in narcissism all over the planet.

Along with the surge in narcissism, however, is the emergence of the feminine. The feminine is finding its voice, is taking back its power and realizing that those qualities of nurturing, compassion, empathy, and intuition are crucial for the survival of our planet. The lion sleeps no more! The lioness is coming out and we hear her roar! She is the mother bear who will no longer stand by and allow the patriarchal, narcissistic energies to destroy our planet. And if you are one of those women, or men, who are waking up from a long, deep sleep to find that the one you have been sleeping with is plagued by narcissism, then you have work to do. This work is not just personal! It is global! By waking up, stepping fully into your power, finding your voice and also your purpose for being here, you are contributing to the emergence of the feminine into her rightful place alongside the masculine. We are no longer allowing ourselves to be dominated, controlled, suppressed, and made to feel we are somehow inferior! That game is over! It is time to be who you have come here to be.

As I step back and look at what I have been doing in the past year I see my CD “Emergence” which is the soundtrack for the emerging feminine energy. I see the work I am doing with narcissism which truly is more about facilitating the emergence of the feminine energy. I also see my passion and focus on natural, fresh living food and health, which is necessary for us to heal and get off the medication of processed and poisoned food provided for us by yours truly, the narcissistic corporate entity that could care less about your health. It is all important!

As we awaken we must awaken to the truth about the darkness we have been living in. We must find the strength within ourselves to unplug from the narcissistic world, and stop supporting it with our time, money and energy. And this is my focus! Helping people to unplug, to find their strength and their power, and reconnect with that feminine energy within is really what I am passionate about doing. And I invite you to consider your life and purpose as well. While in the midst of personal crisis it may seem you are without purpose. But perhaps you are really going through your own process of emergence which will take you more fully into your true self and allow you to do your part in facilitating the emergence of the feminine in a patriarchal, narcissistic world.

It's All About The Energy

2010-03-12T17:24:00.000-08:00

Today I took the morning off and went to my son's hockey game. Yes I am a hockey Mom. I find the energy of the hockey games so intense that today I found solace behind the glass wall between me and the arena. I sat with other professional Mothers and we talked about how nervous we get about the games.

I know psychologically that I shouldn't get so caught up in the energy, but sometimes I find it difficult to resist. I can feel all that testosterone on the rink running wild. My empathy for my son, the Goalie, is so strong that I cringe every time the puck gets close to the net. It was the State Championships for Washington State and it is only four games that stand between these young men and the opportunity to go to New York for Nationals. " It's a game!" My mind knows this! Yet it is also the energy of striving to do ones best. And that's what competition is. When you do your best and you join with others who are doing their best, then there is an energy of victory! And victory is a powerful energy! But it is not victory over another. It is victory of personal accomplishment or team accomplishment. It is when each person does just a little bit better than the time before.

One of my son's teammates broke his arm last month in Portland during a tournament and was back on the ice today with a cast on his arm. He made the two of our three goals wearing a cast. Now that is determination! We won the first game three to zero and the team was filled with that energy of victory and a vision of going to Nationals.

I made a very interesting observation of energy today. One of my son's teammates, is an eighteen year old bad boy. I don't necessarily feel he is a good influence but I trust my son to figure it out for himself. When walking through the crowded lobby he accidentally bumped into me when his head was up in the air smugly looking around, observing his surroundings. Without looking down he said something to the affect of "watch out B*tch!" Without thinking I moved right into his energy field like I was going to attack and he was so startled by my energy that he jumped back with wide eyes. At the same time I said "What Did You Say?"

Nothing else needed to be said or done. I sent a message and it was done in such a way that I didn't ever have to think about what I was doing. It just happened. I felt strong! Like a Mother Bear! Only the Young was my own fragile self. The part of me that had been "bumped into" far too often without respect. Now respect is earned through the process of respecting myself. If you show people you respect yourself they automatically seem to respect you. But if you let people walk all over you, they just will! It is all about the energy!

In the past I was afraid of being powerful. Perhaps being powerful had far too great of consequences in the past and so I suppressed my energy. My coming alive has been about turning the tables and beginning to really express myself! I really feel this is the key! The more I enforce my energetic, internal boundaries the more I can safely step out into the world. But when my boundaries had completely been eroded and I was raw and open, I couldn't function in the world. Everything was a threat!

When I was so open my energy was being extracted by everyone who came into my energy field, especially the ones who had completely invaded my energy field. I felt like I had to be nice! I had to be kind! Polite! Caring! Loving! All of those things!

The interesting observation I made today was that it never occurred to me to be any of those things. I realized that I was really losing my illusions of myself as being anything at all, other than who I am in the moment. I didn't have to be anything for anyone anymore! And when I don't need to be anything for anyone I get to keep my energy for my own life! What a concept!

Who said we had to expend our energy so that others wouldn't have to? In times, we may choose to do this if someone we love is sick, or to lend our energy to the raising of child. The relationships I had developed with intimate partners were simply not fair exchanges of energy. I gave too much for too little yield. I allowed them to dump their negative crap on me and take my good energy. I plummeted deeper into darkness as they were lifted up. I was unknowingly feeding them with my energy at my own expense.

I learned that this process, I often call recovery, is really a process of taking our energy back. Soul Recovery is a sophisticated way of saying it. But it is really "energy" recovery. That life force pulsing through your veins is energy! That energy can be used for good or it can be used for bad, but it is all the same energy. It is the energy of our life! It is our gift! We have every right to keep our energy for ourselves! We don't have to give it away! We don't have to allow people into our psychic space, which is the invasion of our boundaries.

Our boundaries are what protect our energy and keep it in our own body. I believe this is the way it is supposed to be. We are supposed to keep our own energy! That is what keeps us alive! When we continue to leak our energy or allow it to be extracted through vampiric people, we slowly begin to die. Our energy is to our spirit what our blood is to our body. Without the light of our spirit dwelling fully inside our body we are but a vacant shell of a person.

Where my son is wearing an armor of pads to protect him from the puck, I wear an invisible band of energy to protect me from the energetic pucks of life. As a Goalie he has to move almost intuitively to stop those pucks from getting through him and into the net. Just as I must intuitively move with the punches of life to stop the crap from getting in.

I think today I have given a whole new meaning to Hockey Mom! Sarah Palin...Watch Out!

Sedona Women's Empowerment Retreat

2010-03-11T09:38:00.000-08:00

April 29- May 2nd

Sedona is a magical place alive with the energy of the sacred vortex sites. You will feel the energy of something ancient and eternal pulsing through your veins.

It is said that Sedona has a way of magnetizing your life lessons and mirroring to you what you most need to learn in order to have the greatest spiritual growth. In my six years as a Spiritual Student in Sedona I found this to be true.

This is also a powerful place to gather, to hike amongst the red rock formations and do ceremony on the land.

In our Sedona Women's Retreat we will visit many of the sacred vortex sites, hike some of my favorite trails, sit in circle and pass the talking stick, do sacred ceremony, laugh, dance, share, eat good healthy food, and get some much needed Rest and Relaxation.

Find Out More...

Revealing Your Authentic Self

The theme of this retreat is "Revealing Your Authentic Self." We will be looking at the many ways we hide behind our illusions and also discover who we are and what we really want to create in our lives.

Creating the life of your dreams is about knowing your true self and from that place of self awareness knowing what is truly important to you.

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Understanding Your Part In The Dance

2010-02-25T11:34:00.000-08:00

When I wrote about taking responsibility for our part in the narcissistic relationship the article pushed a lot of buttons with readers and some didn't fully understand what I meant. I realize this is a hugely important topic because taking responsibility, where we need to, can be the difference between getting past the relationship or not.

In narcissistic relationships it is easy for us to fall into a pattern of taking responsibility for the stuff that belongs to the narcissist in our lives. Since he or she doesn't take responsibility the narcissist projects blame onto you! We often end up feeling it is our fault and that the end of the relationship is our fault. It is difficult to move past the relationship when you continue to blame yourself for the failure of the relationship.

Responsibility can be a tricky thing. A narcissist has a personality disorder which means he comes from left field and doesn't often make sense. The mistake we often make is thinking that he knows he isn't making sense. To the narcissist he is making perfect sense! For example lets say you took out the garbage last night only the narcissist insists that he took out the garbage and their must be something wrong with your memory. Crazy making, right? But this is a typical type of scenario in a narcissistic relationship. The narcissist confuses reality and then blames you for it. Is this your fault? Of course not! Your responsibility in that situation is to stick to your version of reality. "I know I took out the garbage!" Where you lose energy is trying to convince the narcissist of your version of reality. It is an energy drain! Even if he remembers that "yes you did take out the garbage" he won't admit it because then he would have to be wrong! And a narcissist doesn't admit wrong doing! At least not often!

When the relationship is over you are left with so many unanswered questions. Perhaps the narcissist blamed you for the ending of the relationship and why he/she found someone else to replace you with. Since the narcissist may have appeared to have moved on without the normal emotional reaction that comes with the break up of a relationship, you may be left wondering what was so bad about you that he can just walk away without any emotion.

As you sort through the ruble of the broken relationship it is normal to look for clues as to what went wrong. In the narcissistic relationship so many people get stuck in this stage because there are no real answers. Learning that a previous mate was a narcissist or had all the characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be a great relief but it only helps us on the level of the intellect, not the emotions. It is on the emotional level we get stuck!

When in a relationship with the narcissist there is a lot of emotional chaos created and the painful memories are embedded in this emotional chaos. Telling yourself the guy is nuts doesn't seem to have the power to reverse the embedded emotional impact. You can know on an intellectual level he is nuts but emotionally you still seek his approval and validation. This is because this pattern of seeking approval and acceptance was a large part of the relationship. "Please tell me you know that I took out the garbage! I need for you to validate my sense of reality!"

When your reality is invalidated time and time again you begin to lose your own sense of reality and become absorbed into the reality of the narcissist. "Well maybe you did take out the garbage."
Once you are absorbed into the narcissistic reality you are trained, programmed and conditioned to accept his version of reality over your own. So when he tells you that you are a worthless piece of junk and he never loved you, you believe it! When he tells you that he has fallen in love with someone who makes him so much happier than you did, you believe it! You have been conditioned to believe the narcissistic version of reality.

So what is your responsibility in this situation? It is not to take responsibility for HIS insanity. It is to take responsibility for discounting yourself! It is to take responsibility for looking to the narcissist to validate your sense of reality. It is to take responsibility for looking to someone outside of yourself to approve of you. It is to take responsibility for needing external love so badly that you failed to love yourself.

Our responsibility usually has to do with our failure to love ourselves. Women especially are taught to be selfless. We are taught to serve others at the expense of our self and our own needs. But is it true that we should selflessly serve others? I don't believe it is. I believe this belief fosters another form of slavery!

What I have learned on my journey is that when you fill your own cup first you can give to others from your overflow! But if you are so busy filling the cups of others, when your own cup needs filling, you are always giving yourself away and failing to take care of your own needs. Even as Mothers we have to take care of our own needs in order to be better Mothers. If you always feed your children but never ate yourself it wouldn't be long before you were so weak you could no longer tend to your children.

Perhaps you learned at an early age to seek outside of yourself for love, admiration, approval and acceptance. Perhaps you had a rejecting parent or a parent that blamed you for his/her unhappiness. And so you developed a pattern of trying to make that parent happy and approve of you.

What better mate for a narcissist then a selfless individual who is easily charmed by the Cinderella story and promise of a fairy-tale romance? A narcissist in his/her quest for ideal love is also a fanatic for a fairy-tale romance. Fairy-tales are really rooted in mythology. The characters of fairy-tales are archetypes of the characters within us.

The divine marriage is the marriage between the inner masculine and the inner feminine. It is by bringing those two aspects of ourselves together that we find wholeness within. But instead of seeking wholeness within ourselves we often project that masculine part of ourselves outward onto a man, if you are a woman and vise versa if you are a man.

The handsome prince in the Cinderella Story is a great example of a man walking around with a hole inside of him and a glass slipper in his hand searching for the one woman who will fit that slipper. This fairy-tale drives home the message that there is only one perfect person in the whole world that is ideally suited to be with us.

The fairy-tales have true love all wrong. True love is when we marry the masculine parts of ourselves with the feminine parts of ourselves and within our own being, we develop a sense of wholeness and completeness. We then attract to us, out of our own sense of wholeness, a mate who has also undergone the process of becoming whole.

What is the inner masculine and inner feminine? The masculine is our intellectual, rational, practical, left brain and action oriented natures and the feminine is our intuitive, nurturing, creative, right brain, compassionate and empathetic natures. The masculine is the part of us that tends to project out and the feminine is the part of us that tends to go within. Our feminine nature is our more spiritual side because it is the part of us that goes within to the dark womb of quiet reflection. This is the place where creative ideas are inspired. The masculine is the part of us that takes action on those creative ideas and takes them outward into the world.

As late as the 1950's the roles between the masculine and feminine were split between men and women. The women stayed home and played the role of the nurturing Mother and the Father went out into the world to bring home the bacon. But the sixties came along and shook everything up because the woman was not using her full creative potential. She was being suppressed. On the other hand the man was not really involved with his children and had to shoulder all the financial responsibility for the family. He didn't really have the opportunity to develop his more soft, nurturing, creative side. The "shake up" of the sixties was necessary to our evolution as a race.

Now that we are in the new millennium our roles have completely shifted. The nuclear family really has outgrown its form. Since over fifty percent of marriages end in divorce it would suggest that marriage is no longer working for us in its current structure. People are not getting out of their marriages what they had hoped for.

Our evolution as a human being requires that we become whole in ourselves rather than seeking outside of ourselves for our "other half." I believe so many marriages end in divorce because so many people were looking to the other to complete them. But it is impossible to complete another. We have to complete ourselves. As long as we seek outside of ourselves to be fulfilled we will be disappointed.

So whether you are coming out of a narcissistic relationship or not, you still are dealing with this issue of wholeness which could cause disappointment in any relationship as the partner fails to fulfill you. Only with a narcissist you end up feeling that the reason the relationship is going bad is because you are somehow bad, to the core.

It doesn't serve us to go to that place in our minds to regurgitate over and over again those feelings that we are somehow deeply flawed. You have a responsibility to yourself to love you! Everyone has flaws! Our flaws are what make us unique and beautiful! Perfection is the great illusion! If we believe ourselves to be perfect or believe another to be perfect, we are deluding ourselves! If something appears to be perfect, take a deeper look and certainly don't marry it!

Taking personal responsibility is asking yourself where you have failed you! Not where you have failed the narcissist! You didn't fail the narcissist! He failed himself! And that is not your business! Your business is you! How have you failed to listen to your own gut? How have you failed to honor and respect yourself? How have you failed to love yourself? How have you failed to trust yourself?

I recently worked with a client who discovered that she was so conditioned to focusing her energies on making someone else happy that she failed to look at how she could make herself happy. Years after the narcissist was gone she, like many of us, was still focused on the narcissist and what she failed to do to make him happy. Once she took her focus back to how she failed to make herself happy something clicked in and she felt a great relief. She finally saw her responsibility in the relationship. It wasn't her responsibility to him. It was her responsibility to herself.

And that is where so many of you who are trying to solve your own puzzles will find the answers. Once you stop trying to solve the problem "out there" and bring your attention back to "in here" you will get a sense of power and control back in your life. Because you have no control over the narcissist and his/her behavior. You can only change yourself. And that....is your responsibility!

Why Can’t I Get Over It?

2010-02-18T10:42:00.000-08:00

Taking Responsibility!

Learning that your partner is a narcissist can bring a great deal of relief as you realize the source of the crazy making behavior you have been living with. However enlightening this information may be it doesn’t seem to have the power to stop the incessant dwelling on thoughts of the narcissist and how that person has effected your life.

As much as learning about narcissism can bring a sense of awareness and even relief I have found that taking responsibility for ourselves and our own part in the relationship brings the greatest amount of healing.

Although we are not responsible for the behavior of the narcissist, we are responsible for our own emotional reaction to that person and also for learning the life lessons that are brought to us through this experience.

Life has a way of putting us in situations that force us to grow beyond our self imposed limitations. Whether we are struggling with fear of abandonment, low self esteem, lack of confidence, dependency, neediness, powerlessness, or all of the above, the narcissistic relationship will bring our deepest wounds to our attention.

The mistake most of us make is believing that the narcissist is causing our pain. He is merely triggering the pain that is already lying dormant within us. We can so easily be attracted to the narcissist on an unconscious level in order to grow past our previous limitations in the quickest amount of time. Although it may take years to fully embrace the lessons brought to us by a narcissistic relationship, if you truly embrace these lessons you can come out years ahead of where you might have been otherwise. I’m not talking about where you were materially but rather emotionally and spiritually. Material status comes and goes, but our emotional and spiritual state is the foundation for who we are in the world.

I am reading “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie and discovering her “work” that is all about self inquiry and understanding how our thoughts fabricate these elaborate stories that keep us stuck in our pain. It got me thinking about the narcissistic story and how by continuing to tell “our story” we can so easily stay stuck in our pain.

Your story is all the ways that the narcissist abused you. “He took advantage of me, used me, dumped me, had an affair, made me walk on eggshells, took me from being a high powered corporate executive with a six figure income to a Welfare recipient with no energy or self esteem. “ These are the stories we continue to hold onto and replay in our minds.

I don’t want to belittle the pain of the narcissistic experience! It is painful! No doubt! I’ve been there! But I also know from experience how to avoid staying there! And I know this is what most of you are searching for.

The compassionate rescuer in me wants to open up a sanctuary and invite all of you who have been abused by a narcissist to come and stay with me and be healed. But I know this is the part of me who still wants to rescue others because I identify with thier deepest pain. Rescuing a person robs her of the opportunity to learn how to rescue herself! Ultimately this is why we find ourselves in this situation. We need to learn to care enough about ourselves to stop waiting for someone else to rescue us. We need to rescue ourselves!

Some of the situations people find themselves in are pretty horrific! No doubt! And I’ve seen my share of horrific situations as I receive so many desperate letters from people looking for help! I offer many helpful resources through my Website, so there is support available for everyone. But still I find many people don’t want to do the work. They just want to be rescued. And truly it is our desire to be rescued that got many of us into this in the first place. Think about it!

When we work on rescuing ourselves then we tend to release our need to rescue the narcissist from himself. One of the most listened to topics on my radio show is “Is There a Cure for Narcissistic Personality Disorder?” Why is this topic so popular? Because most people when discovering a partner is a narcissist would much rather put their energy on curing the narcissist and helping him/her to get better than to cure themselves from their need to have the narcissist rescue them.

Once again, I was one of these people! I realize it often takes time and one must go through these stages before being ready to face the demons who are more likely in the mirror than in the narcissist. Granted we can’t do anything about the narcissist. He or she is what he or she is. We are powerless to change others. Who the narcissist is, is not any of our business. Who we are is our business! If we can understand this one thing it would really help most of us focus our attention on where we need to be focused. On ourselves!

How we feel about the narcissist and what we think of him/her can provide important clues to where we need to be doing our work. I’ll use my own story as an example.

When I came out of my relationship with Rick (not his real name) I was lost! I felt betrayed, abandoned, discarded, unloved, and very angry. I hated him for what he did to me. I hated him for not caring! I hated that I went from an attractive, self confident woman to a mere shadow of my former self. I had no energy, no self worth or motivation to do anything in the world. I hated who I had become. But as I began to do the work I discovered those parts of myself I had been avoiding most of my adult life. I hid behind a false front, just as the narcissist did. I hid behind my physical attractiveness, my talent, my intelligence and even my beliefs. All my hiding places had been stripped away. I was stripped down to nothing! I was nothing!

What if we draw narcissistic people into our lives to uncover those parts of ourselves that are narcissistic so that we may become real! How else would we discover those places where we are lying to ourselves if we did not attract a mirror to show those places to us?

We can hate the narcissist for reflecting our own painful issues to us, or we can thank them for exposing the lies we have been telling ourselves so that we may live more honestly.

Those who have studied narcissism know that the narcissist lives a lie. He erects a false front and hides behind it. He constructs grandiose fantasies of who he is. He lacks compassion and empathy. We can so easily throw stones at the narcissist for being who he or she is or we can turn it around. “Where might I be living a lie? Where might I be erecting a false front to keep me safe from others? Where have I constructed a grandiose fantasy in my life? Where am I not showing compassion and empathy for myself?” When we can honestly ask and answer these questions we take the focus off the narcissist and place it back on ourselves. Suddenly we don’t feel so out of control. Because we are not waiting for the narcissist to change. We are working on changing ourselves.

If we don’t get the lesson we are sure to attract another teacher. I did! I had the great opportunity of attracting two romantic partners in a row who showed extreme narcissistic tendencies. It wasn’t just so I would know what narcissism was. It wasn’t because I was “messed up!” It was because there were places that I needed to grow within myself that I might not have seen had I not looked deeply into the mirror of narcissism.

A therapist once told me I wasn’t the narcissist because most true narcissists would never ask the question how do I know I’m not the narcissist? But still I had narcissistic parts of me. We all do! We live in a narcissistic society and we learn from our environment. Our parents and grandparents, school teachers and peers all displayed narcissistic characteristics. They may not have full fledged Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but there are characteristics. And believe it or not we are in a time of escalated spiritual growth on our planet and the lessons are coming hard and fast. And so we are attracting experiences that provide us the greatest amount of growth in the shortest amount of time, and it feels worse than boot camp.

For many people being a victim is a way of life. You may want to ask yourself in what areas have you been a victim? What areas do you feel you have narcissistic tendencies? What do you identify with? What characteristics or accomplishments do you hide behind? How have you looked for love outside of yourself to complete you? How have you looked to others to validate you and your sense of self worth? How often do you catch yourself talking negatively about others? How important is it to find others to validate your story of abuse?

If the narcissistic love in your life has run off with another and tells you he/she doesn’t love you anymore and never really did, that will most likely leave you wondering what just happened. You will likely feel used, abused and betrayed. The pain is very deep. You may find yourself fantasizing about the narcissist and his/her new love and wish you had that again. You probably are asking what’s wrong with you and why he/she never loved you? I warn you not to use self inquiry as a way to shame yourself or blame yourself for the failure of the relationship. Self inquiry is for the purpose of setting you free. So instead of asking “what’s wrong with me?” Ask “how have I used, abused and betrayed myself? How have I rejected myself? How have I not loved myself?”

The narcissist in your life provides such excellent clues to where you have abandoned and betrayed you. If the true narcissists of the world are here to be button pushers for the rest of us then when they move on to someone else they are simply doing their job of pushing buttons to someone else who needs to learn those same kinds of lessons. We should be careful not to romanticize someone else’s experience.

We all have our lessons to learn and sooner or later we will have that opportunity. Your opportunity just happens to be now. So embrace it! Take the responsibility for yourself and use this experience to know yourself on deeper and deeper levels. You will emerge from this experience a new person, or rather the person you really have come here to be.

The Rewind Technique for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse

2009-12-11T09:18:00.000-08:00

In working with victims of Narcissistic abuse I realized that most people who are just coming to the realization that they have been with a narcissist come out of the relationship with symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I remember in my own case I was diagnosed with PTSD and tried everything to alleviate the painful symptoms. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Leaving the house was a major ordeal, I avoided situations I thought would trigger my anxiety, I had panic attacks and overall disbelief about what had taken place. I remember trying desperately to get some kind of relief for these symptoms. I tried traditional counseling, EMDR and medication. But still the symptoms persisted.

After working with so many clients who are experiencing the same horrible symptoms of PTSD I started searching for a better way to help people to deal. Since I was already a seasoned clinical hypnotherapist my preference was a hypnosis technique so that I didn’t need to learn a different modality as well. I had studied tapping (EFT) and learned a bit about EMDR and finally I discovered the “Rewind Technique.”

The “Rewind Technique” is a hypnosis technique that is proven to greatly reduce the anxiety levels and symptoms of PTSD even to the point of completely eliminating these symptoms in only one session. This was what I was looking for.

In studying this technique further I discovered that the reason people get PTSD has to do with how their brain processes the trauma. About seventy five percent of people who experience traumatic events never develop PTSD. About twenty five percent develop these symptoms which include sleeplessness, loss of appetite, poor digestion, intrusive memories, flashbacks, heightened states of anxiety when reminded of the trauma, panic attacks and other physical symptoms like pounding heart, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating.

When trauma occurs in a persons life it is processed in the part of the brain called the hypocampus and then moves to the neocortex where it is stored as a normal memory. Normal memories are more distant and removed. But when one experiences PTSD the trauma continues to be reactivated in the hypocampus which causes the victim to experience the trauma again and again as if it just happened. Just passing time doesn’t tend to have much effect on PTSD. Something needs to happen to change the way the brain processes that trauma.

Although “talk” therapy is highly beneficial for clients needing to process and understand their trauma it doesn’t do a lot to alleviate the PTSD symptoms and this is where I began to feel helpless in my work. So I was excited to find a technique I could learn in a relatively short period of time and begin using right away over the phone.

The rewind technique is one of the most effective methods for alleviating symptoms of PTSD. The rate of success is higher than other commonly known treatments such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or “tapping” and EMDR (Rapid eye movement therapy.) This technique changes the way the brain processes the trauma moving it from the hypocampus to the neocortex where it is processed as a normal memory.

I’ve had many clients tell me that they have been through break-ups before but never have they experienced these kinds of symptoms. Often the symptoms are mistaken for “love” leaving the client believing that the narcissistic partner can somehow make it all better, if only they would come around. But even if one returns to the abusive relationship the symptoms remain, even if slightly below the surface of their awareness. A war victim who is traumatized on the battlefield will likely not experience their symptoms quite so intensely when they are thrown back on the battlefield. It is when they are back in society having to cope with day to day living that the symptoms become unmanageable.

When one comes out of a narcissistic relationship the symptoms of PTSD develop as a result of the horror of the abandonment, betrayal, devaluing and discarding that takes place not to mention being constantly subjected to crazy making behaviors within the relationship. Often the process of the illusion of the relationship crumbling, is enough to create trauma. Victims wake up to realize there never was a “normal” relationship going on. Everything the victim was lead to believe was true ends up being false. The mind has a difficult time processing through this new realization. There is often denial and refusal to accept the truth. Fighting with the encroaching “truth” is traumatic in and of itself. Who wants to believe that the “beloved” never really cared about them?

With the rewind technique I lead you into a relaxed, hypnotic state and guide you through a process that desensitizes you to the traumatic events of that relationship. The result is experiencing the memory differently. You may find your anxiety level around the narcissistic relationship dropping from a high state of anxiety to a very low state or no anxiety at all. On a scale of 'one' to 'ten' with 'ten' begin the absolute most intense state of anxiety and 'one' being no anxiety at all, people who undergo the “rewind technique” usually find their anxiety levels going from a 'seven' or 'eight' down to a 'two' or 'three' at the most. The alleviation of the PTSD symptoms allows you to resume your life without the usual anxiety, panic attacks and constant reminders of the narcissist.

I'm excited to tell you that I recently graduated from the program I attended to learn the “rewind technique” and with flying colors. I received 100% proficiency on my exams and have been certified as a “Rewind Technique” practitioner.

If you are experiencing symptoms of PTSD there is help. It is not something you have to live with for months and years to come as many do.

The process takes about ninety minutes overall which involves an intake session at the beginning. I am offering this technique to all PTSD victims for a limited time only for $75.00 for the first session. That isn’t a lot of money to get your life back, don’t you agree? Because this is a ninety minute session I would normally charge a minimum of $90.00 for this work but want to help as many people as I can so I am giving you a break.

If you are interested in changing how you feel right away please contact me and let’s get you scheduled as soon as possible.

I look forward to us working together!

Kaleah

The Quest for Perfection

2009-12-09T12:44:00.000-08:00

In my journey through life I have quested for perfection. Trying to get everything right and be what was expected of me. By family, by society, by men’s views of women. It ended up in my eventually breaking down and falling deep into the void. My rebirth has been a process of surrender. I surrender the need to be anything for anyone except myself. My life is my gift and what I do with my life is the gift I give others.

Since I wrote my E-books and started focusing on narcissistic abuse a new career path unfolded. I didn’t expect it to happen that way. It just did. I followed my bliss, the inner calling. I found myself here extending my heart and soul to the pain of those who are just now breaking through. But even here I failed in so many ways. I could not be something for everyone. I could only offer who I was. I have received a lot of beautiful letters from so many of you and also some real hate mail that felt pretty heavy to me. I’ve had people angry at the way I run my business and people trying to manipulate me with the concept that I should be better than that. I should walk the higher path here. And suddenly I feel like I have some kind of hat I am supposed to be wearing for the people who look up to me.

But guess what? I don’t want to wear a hat! I don’t even really want a title. I just wanted to help! And since I was devoting so much of my energy providing a place for people to heal, I wanted to be compensated for my efforts. I kept the counseling fees low and the book sales supported the continuation of the Website. Still had people write me and tell me I should be ashamed of charging money to victims of abuse. I am taking advantage of hurting people. Ouch!

I realized as one steps out into the world on his or her divine path that he has to meet a great deal of obstacles and slay a lot of dragons. Perhaps narcissism was my initiation. It was the beginning of what it was that launched me into the world. But I feel I am finished with that chapter of my life.

As I let go of the need to have my life reflect any kind of perfection I step into more of the freedom of who I am becoming. It isn’t about pleasing anyone. If you are served by the gift I give than I am honored I could serve. My life is better for having made a difference in yours.

In letting go of perfection I have also let go of the need to be perfectly edited in my writing but editors, thank you for all of your well meaning advice.

I am also painfully letting go of traditional marketing concepts and trying to just focus on sharing who I am. Believe me this is hard for me because I am used to being able to hide behind a great marketing concept. It shelters me from being too up front and vulnerable. I sometimes feel the softer I am the more certain people want to throw arrows at my soft spots. I don’t like arrows! But I’m learning to protect myself. In a healthier way. And letting go of perfection is such a relief. I realize I don’t have to give energy to those who want to fix some aspect of me or my presentation. It is really O.K. that I am who I am.

I had one woman write to me and tell me that she really identified with the book but it was so poorly edited that it was hard for her to take me seriously as a professional. “Well than don’t! Please! Don’t take me seriously!” I’m O.K. with that! I’m sure that for everyone who writes something like that there is another ten or twenty people thinking it, but out of the thousands of copies I have sold over the years I have received one or two complaints about the editing. More often I hear about how the book really helped people realize they aren’t crazy! Wow! That is a really good thing to know! Don’t you think?

So I’m not a great editor! I love to write! I really do! It is one of my greatest passions besides my music. I communicate with you from my heart and it is raw and unedited! And yes I try to make a few bucks while I’m at it. Because I too need to eat! I too need to be supported for my work. My goal was never to make it rich. It was to help! And I have been blessed that this work has paid my rent, some months.

Lately it seems to be changing however. It feels I’m being pulled in another direction and I have to take the leap. That direction is still writing and counseling and offering programs but I’m expanding beyond narcissism. I have written my piece on that and I don’t want to keep going back anymore. I have brought a lot of writing and articles to narcissismfree.com and I will continue to post. But my work is really heading towards the music and the audio programs. I am revamping my healthinspirations.com Website and making it a portal for my various audio programs which I will be adding to each month. These are all healing type hypnosis programs that help to influence change on a deeper subconscious level.

I am excited about offering these programs because I can offer something that will really help people and it doesn't cost a lot of money. I am also making myself available to counsel and do hypnotherapy sessions. Something else I love to do.

I have a lot of other irons in the fire including the launch of my new CD “Emergence.” It really embraces the energy of the 2012 emergence. This is an energy that is getting peoples attention. It is as if we all know on some level that we are going through a major shift. And I’m excited to be a part of the positive vision for humanity. Forget the doom and gloom. I’m voting for the Rebirth! That is where the energy of this CD is! Rebirth!

And so my story unfolds and so does yours! I hope you will stay plugged into the energy of rebirth along with me. It is the energy that pulls us from our limited caterpillar perspectives to the emergence of the butterfly.

I thank you for your years of support with NarcissismFree.com. I am not leaving but I am expanding. I hope you will expand with me.

Love and Blessings!

Kaleah

Spiritual Narcissism On The Radio

2009-11-12T11:03:00.000-08:00

Tuesday November 17th at 4pm PST:

The Age of Spiritual Narcissism! What We Can Learn From The Sedona, Arizona Sweat Lodge Tragedy.

Kaleah LaRoche, One of the leading authorities of narcissistic abuse, talks about spiritual narcissism and how it comes into play in events like the Sedona, Arizona Sweat Lodge tragedy led by Spiritual Guru James Ray. What causes people to follow a leader into dangerous situations? What causes a leader or teacher to put his students lives at risk? What is it about the current human condition that is causing so many people to abandon their own intuitive natures putting their faith and trust in a spiritual guru, or organized religion?

Join Kaleah and the creator of Sedona Talk Radio Daniel Stief and other special guests as they talk about these important topics that are shaking the foundation of todays spiritual movement.

Listen Live!

Karmic Repercussions of the Narcissist

2009-11-12T10:47:00.000-08:00

One of the most popular questions from my clients is...."do you believe karma will play out in this situation?" I always say "yes but you may not be around to see it." And that is in a good way. It is sort of like waiting for a pot of water to boil. You know how they say "a watched pot never boils?" Well a watched Narcissist doesn't have karmic repercussions. That is a huge generalization of course. But we don't often have the opportunity to see the whole story play out on the other end. We are too wrapped up in our own stories anyway and it is so easy to project all that we feel we are not getting in our lives onto the Narcissist.

I wrote about this in my song "Dancing with the Shadow." Songs have always been a powerful outlet for me to express these thoughts and feelings.

I see my reflection

I see your projection

You own the good

Give me the Bad

You are happy

I am sad

It seems that often in a narcissistic relationship that the Narcissist is getting "our good!" But truly universal law doesn't work that way. Someone can't really take "our good."

But it can appear that way. Ironically we can take on the "bad" of the Narcissist by unconsciously carrying his repressed emotional baggage. I think this is what gives the whole situation the illusion of him walking off into the sunset in bliss while we are left dealing with all the dark energy of the relationship.

Women are also receptacles who take in the energy of the men we are intimate with into our bodies, our souls and our psyches. Women are like the processors. We transmute energy, by our very nature. But if the energy we are being give to transmute is too toxic or heavy we get really clogged up and weighed down. So what do we do with this energy? Send it back to whence it came! It is energy and you are the conductor of it.

Perhaps this is what witchcraft is about, besides practicing herbology. But it is learning to master the energy. Once we master the energy we can use our knowledge for good or bad in the world. But Karmic law says "what we put out returns to us tenfold." So those who project dark and negative energy will have that come back to them in a big way. If this law holds true then nobody can really get away with dumping their toxic baggage on another without suffering huge consequences. But the consequences may not look like we think they should.

For example...if your ex N seems to be happily hooked up with someone else, perhaps there is something else going on entirely than what meets the eye. It is easy to assume because he has someone in his life and you are alone that he has "moved on" and is happy. But if he is a parasite then it is simply his nature to feed on the soul energy of another. Do you think parasites love that which they feed upon? It is a symbiotic relationship. The N. feeds upon his partner and she gives him her energy in exchange for the illusion of love and security. But when she is all used up he discards her and her illusion crumbles. Suddenly she realizes there is no real love and certainly no security. But by now he is off creating that same symbiotic relationship with another because it is his nature to feed upon the energy of another. Yet we romanticize the whole thing and believe that because our illusion wasn’t real that it is real with someone else. But the N. is an illusionary creature. Nothing is real!

We project this ideal upon the Narcissist believing he is happy and blissful but how happy can one be who is dependent upon an outside source for his energy?

You and I are solar creatures. We get our energy from the source of life itself. We can recharge our batteries by self care, nurturing, good food, fresh water and sunlight as well as direct communion with God, the source, the divine. This is the true recipe for happiness, peace and contentment in ones life.

The Narcissist on the other hand, is a parasite and gets his energy from others. He has no direct connection to the source. Which also means his capacity for true happiness is severely limited. What we witness is his living off the happiness of others and the length of that symbiotic relationship greatly depends on the partners ability to recharge her own battery fast enough before he depletes her. At some point she will not be able to recharge at the rate that he is draining her energy and she will go under. Because he greatly depends on her energy if it is not available to him he will get angry and dispose of her. The relationship is over when the source can no longer feed the parasite.

So why do we often envy the new source? I think the main reason is that the new source still has energy. She still has the added energy of the illusion which can be really powerful. In our Cinderella stories we wait our entire lives for our prince and the narcissist gives us the illusion that the prince has arrived. We don’t want to face the reality that there is no prince. The prince is simply an archetype. He doesn’t exist! He doesn’t exist for us or any other Cinderella out there.

The true marriage of the prince and princess is the divine union of the masculine and feminine energies within each one of us. It is what makes us whole and complete within ourselves without the need for another in our lives. When we successfully experience this “divine marriage” we are truly ready for a relationship with another because we are no longer depending upon that person to fulfill us or to complete us!

I believe our true happiness comes from this inner fulfillment; experiencing the divine marriage of our inner prince and princess. The narcissist can never have that experience because he will forever be seeking a host for his desperate needs, never truly having the experience of completion or fulfillment. And isn’t that what true happiness is?

We really are fortunate that the we are no longer playing the role of the host for the parasite. We are fortunate that the illusion has crumbled and we have the opportunity to see the reality of the situation. Yes, it may be painful, but it is truly the precursor to finding ourselves in a way we might not have been able to when we were still searching for our prince out there!